“Hello, doctor, was my operation a success?”
“Sorry mate, my name’s Saint Peter.”
“I’ve read so many books about smoking and drinking that I’ve decided to give it up.”
“Smoking or drinking?”
“Tell me, doctor, how long will I live?”
“It’s difficult to say, but if I were you I wouldn’t start watching any TV serials.”
“What is a cow after it is five years old?”
“I don’t know.”
“Six years old.”
Question: What do you give a man who has everything?
On the train from London to Birmingham there were two people, a man and a woman.
After a few minutes the man said, “Excuse me, madam, would you kiss me for 50p?”
“Certainly not!” she replied.
A few minutes later the man asked, “Would you kiss me for ten thousand pounds?”
The woman thought for a while and then said, “Yes, I think I would.”
A few minutes later the man asked, “Would you kiss me for a pound?”
“No I wouldn’t!” replied the woman. “What sort of woman do you think I am?”
“We know that already,” said the man, “we’re only trying to decide the price.”
A man of eighty visited his doctor.
“I’m going to be married next week doctor.”
“Very good,” said the doctor. “How old is your lady friend?”
“Eighteen,” replied the man.
“My goodness!” said the doctor. “I should warn you that any activity in bed could be fatal.”
“Well,” said the man. “If she dies, she dies.”
“Doctor, doctor, everyone says I tell lies!”
“I don’t believe you.”
A primary school teacher was sitting on a bus. She was fairly sure that she recognized the man opposite her.
“Excuse me,” she said, “but are you the father of one of my children?”
Did you hear about the headmaster* that worked in a match factory?
“This one works … This one works … This one works …”
* In this book there are no racist jokes however it is useful to have a “stupid person” in some jokes. For this reason, I have selected a “headmaster” as the stupid person.
It is surprising how quickly you get used to the headmaster doing stupid things.
Of course, we all know that headmasters are, in fact, some of the brightest people in the world, don’t we?
“Doctor, doctor, I keep losing my memory!”
“Mmmm, when did this start?”
“When did what start?”
What is worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm in your apple.
Did you hear about the glowworm that died trying to make love to a lighted cigar?
What time is it when six elephants sit on your fence?
It’s time to buy a new one.
2013 Deutscher Taschenbuch Verlag GmbH & Co. KG, München
Dies ist ein interaktives E-Book. Klicken Sie auf den Text, um die Übersetzung einzublenden.
Das Werk ist urheberrechtlich geschützt. Jede Verwertung ist nur mit Zustimmung des Verlags zulässig. Das gilt insbesondere für Vervielfältigungen, Übersetzungen und die Einspeicherung und Verarbeitung in elektronischen Systemen.
eBook ISBN 978-3-423-41948-2 (epub)
ISBN der gedruckten Ausgabe 978-3-423-09484-9
Alle Bücher und eBooks aus der Reihe dtv zweisprachig finden Sie unter
Folgen Sie uns auch auf Facebook
Ausführliche Informationen über unser gesamtes Programm finden Sie auf unserer Website
Konvertierung, Synchronisation und Umsetzung: Doppeltext